#251 What Are You Teaching Your Kids About Work Without Realizing It? Transcript

THIS IS AN AUTOMATED TRANSCRIPT… PLEASE FORGIVE THE TYPOS & GRAMMAR! xo-Lisa.

Lisa Marker-Robbins  00:00

When we try to pass along, have them inherit our own definitions of success, we could miss them really uncovering what would ultimately be a great fit for them, but not necessarily you. We have to keep in mind our values, their values, their wiring, their strengths, their work motivations, and let them explore, without us feeling like there’s this permanence in placing what we want for them up on them. I have a question for all of the adults listening today. Have you ever thought about what your young person is learning about work simply by listening to how you talk about work? Think about the conversations that they overhear. It might not even be you talking directly to them. Maybe it’s stories you’re sharing with your spouse or a friend about your workday, or how they even see you react when they mention a career that they’re interested in. As we head into November, you probably don’t know, but this is National Career Development Month, and this is at the heart of the work that I do. So I’m particularly excited. So as we kick off this month, I want you to invite you to consider thinking about what our kids learn from you. Because here’s what I know, what I’ve seen in working with over 4000 kids, well-intentioned adults, and come on, we’re all well-intentioned, right? We can unintentionally send messages about work that shape what the young people that we want to have this great future believe is even possible for them, what success should look like, and what they should expect as they move into their first career and beyond. The good news is, once we become aware of those messages that we’re sending as adults, we have an opportunity, an opportunity to be more intentional about what we’re teaching, even when we’re not teaching on purpose, and that’s what I want us to explore together today. So, welcome to College and Career Clarity, where we talk about how to support young people in discovering, designing, and developing their career path as they take that first intentional step into the world of work, or maybe it’s our second or third step. So I want everybody to hear that. First of all, if my voice sounds funny today, and you’re a regular listener, I have been battling a little bit of illness. But today is my deadline to record this episode to get it out for this important National Career Development Month, so we’re digging in. Excuse the frogginess, and let’s keep going so you can figure out how not to be a perfect role model, but how to be thoughtful and authentic. So here’s what I want us to do first, and I’m going to give you some after we unpack like the the messages that we might unintentionally be sending. I’m going to give you some ways that you can endeavor to do better. So this is going to be like, let’s get in and diagnose what we might be doing. I want you to think about how you talk, and then we’re going to talk about three steps that you can take this week that won’t feel like you’re trying too hard. Recommended natural conversations to support the conversations that you’re having with your young person, so message number one that I hear a lot is basically I’m going to sum it up with: work is something that all of us, because we have bills to pay, we just have to endure. Work is something to just get through, and this often is born out of adults who are talking about their frustrations more than their fulfillment, and here’s what I know: like you might be listening to this and go, like, okay, yeah, Lisa, but I made a bad choice in my own world of work. I wish I were would have taken a different path, or I’ve got a really bad boss right now. I mean, those things are real, right? But what I do know is, even in our worst job that we’ve ever had, our worst boss that we’ve ever had, there are moments that are good. There are moments that fulfill us. If they only ever hear us celebrating Friday and dreading Monday, that sends a message unintentionally. Now, I don’t want you to not get excited about Friday.

Lisa Marker-Robbins  04:26

We all do, but in some of us, if we’re real, we really view job as less about purpose and fulfillment, and more about it is something to do to earn a paycheck to support a life, and that’s okay. That’s not how I’m wired for work, but there are a lot of people that are, and that’s okay. Work is a paycheck, but I still know that when we’re talking about the bad only, and they’re not hearing about the work relationships that are positive accomplishment, even if. A small daily win. We gotta celebrate those little small wins for them and for us. Growth. Maybe it’s growth in our skills, or just growth that you know what I’ve learned how to better work with that coworker. Right. If we don’t also share about those, then they’re gonna think that work is just always hard, and that’s not something to get very excited about. No wonder they might be avoiding those conversations. You say like, “Hey, let’s talk about what this is, where this is leading. Let’s talk about getting that job or that internship or what college major.” If they’re always opting out, it might be because they don’t have a very positive view of what we’re working towards, and I don’t want you to have to pretend that every day is wonderful. I hope you hear that loud and clear. We just need to give them the whole picture, not just the bad picture. Okay, message number two that surfaces as I talk not only to you, but as I’m talking directly to your kids, or I’m talking to the students in the schools that we work with, how do you react when your young person expresses an interest in a career that you don’t understand? See, we have our own meanings of success, and it’s often around money, prestige, security, a particular title, because we love them. We worry about their future. We want life to be easy for them, and we know that not every chapter will be. So when we hear them just expressing an interest, and by the way, just know that when they’re talking about an interest, there’s no permanence in that. Like hold that loosely. I wish I had something. You know, for those of you watching on video. Here’s the pen in my hand. Right. Instead of clenching to our own thoughts or clenching to things as permanent, I want us to have an open hand. So I don’t want us to risk having a value that we have unintentionally rank careers as worthy or unworthy of their attention, their exploration. Right? Exploration is just that: is to discover what we should pursue, and we need to understand. And this is true of some of my kids as well. Some of their values are very different than mine when it comes to life and work. We have some shared values, and we have some that we don’t share. So when we try to pass along, have them inherit our own definitions of success, we could miss them really uncovering what would ultimately be a great fit for them, but not necessarily you. We have to keep in mind our values, their values, their wiring, their strengths, their work motivations, and let them explore without us feeling like there’s this permanence in placing what we want for them up on them, right? That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have conversations about financial realities. This is the one that I think gets in there the most. We as parents begin to worry about financial realities. You know, the the world feels very uncertain right now. We’ve got inflation. We’ve got the economy. Right now, in real time, we’re we’re today’s election day, right? And I I don’t get political here. I don’t get religious here because I’m here just to serve the purpose of launching these kiddos out into their best future. But when things are feeling uncertain, we can get burdened by what does this mean for their future, and will they be able to support themselves? And if they can’t, what does that mean for me? So go ahead and have those financial conversations, but don’t shelve their values, their wiring, and those things, right? Okay, moving right along. Number three, that they need to get this right the first time. And here’s what I know: parents, there’s no parent that I’ve ever talked to that really believes that.

Lisa Marker-Robbins  09:16

But sometimes, how we talk about work and with them about their path makes them feel this pressure to get it right the first time. Do we make it feel like this? This can actually go back to number one, where like the enduring, like work is something to endure. If we don’t explore the fact that we ourselves, if we’re enduring, have an escape route, have an opportunity to explore what might be better. They can start to feel that it’s a sentence that’s permanent. I was talking to one of my coaching clients recently, and as she was talking about what really surfaced to me is this third. Category that this is permanent, that we have to get it right the first time. I said to her, you know, were you ever a little kid and you went over and they had just poured like wet cement for a driveway or a patio or something, and you wrote your name in the wet cement, and it was permanent, right? These choices we’re making is not the same as in our cute little childhood finger writing our name in wet cement, and it couldn’t be changed. See, when we treat this as discovery instead of permanence, when we treat changes in direction, our own changes or even their changes, not as mistakes, but as just gathering new information, so now we have more information. We’ve learned a lesson, and then we embrace a change, whether for their, for them, or for us. That gives a positivity to we’re not making a forever decision. I get accused all the time of Lisa. If you’re trying to talk about careers with teenagers in in our conversations, we’re talking. I’m currently supporting 15 year olds all the way up to 32 year olds in our program, right? And I get accused of with those teens that we’re trying to make them make a forever decision or not. The goal isn’t a perfect first decision. It’s about helping them develop the ability to make increasingly more informed decisions for every milestone that they’re going to encounter. And some of those milestones have real deadlines with them, so let’s not apply the pressure that this is a sentence. This is something that they’ve got to get right the first time. Right back on our previous episode last week, I talked about career discovery, design, and lifelong attitude towards development. So if you’re hearing this mistake number three or message number three that we send, and you’re like, “Well, how do I do that differently?” I talk about what does discovery mean, what does design mean, and what does development mean. These are stages, and they’re not necessarily tied to specific ages. So you might need to go back to flourishcoachingco.com forward slash 250 to get that episode. There’s one more fourth belief that I’m actually going to do a deeper dive on in two weeks. If you’re listening to this in real time, so November 17, 2026, on episode 253, we’re going to talk about the message that they hear that suggests that if they find the right career, work will always feel enjoyable. And so, I want them. I want our kids to know that good work will also include difficult coworkers, boredom, disappointment, stress, and seasons where we might have to work more hours or have more perseverance; those are normal workplace challenges and not necessarily a sign of poor fit that they need to actually go and find something else. You’ve experienced those. You might be in one of those yourself as an adult, and so what I want to suggest is that if that’s what you’re talking about, let’s go ahead and make sure that they know that there are going to be temporary challenges, and then celebrate on the when you get on the other side. The messy middle. When we share the messy middle, when we’re in it for anything, a parenting stage, our marriages, our work, they sometimes aren’t appropriate to do share too deeply or widely because we create stress for other people. So just consider it. Okay. So now that we’ve been diagnosing and you’re thinking about how you’ve been talking about work, and I’m sure that you probably see a little part of all of those at times in your conversations that you’ve had, and we’ve got to check. Let’s do a reset.

Lisa Marker-Robbins  14:05

I want to unpack some messages that we can shift into action on that is going to serve the greater purpose that we have here at Flourish Coaching, which is to support our kids in designing and discovering and seeing what’s possible. All good things about building that life, so that all of you, you and them, can have a thriving next chapter of life as they emerge into adulthood and stand on their own two feet. So, conversation number one that I want to encourage you to have this week, not next week. Don’t kick this down the curb. I want you to, not in a weird way, but just naturally find something good about your work and share it. Maybe it’s happening in real time. Maybe it’s something you’re looking forward to. Maybe it’s about a work relationship and accomplishment. Maybe you’ve solved a big problem and you got recognized, or maybe you didn’t get recognized for it, but you. You feel satisfied. I want you to share a moment of great satisfaction, something good about your work this week. Now, because we’re about being real here, I also want you to share something difficult. But here’s how I want you to twist it. How did you handle that well? Because I know you do, even among the hard. Let them hear how you navigated that challenging coworker or boss, or the review that maybe just didn’t go as expected, or the raise that didn’t come in time. How did you recover from your disappointment? Did you ask for somebody to help and come in and support you. Did you solve the problem on your own? See, we as adults, I want our kids to see that we are not lone rangers. Successful adults in the workplace need support too. So talk about how you handled it. Talk about who was side by side with you, rubbing elbows, sharp iron, sharpening iron. That’s what I want them to learn. The difficult’s going to come, but let’s endeavor to handle it well. And then finally, I want you to get curious. Ask them. Ask your young person. What do you know about my work? What do you actually think I do all day. What do you think I enjoy most about my work? You might find that you’re surprised by their answers, and that might crack open the door to some real conversations, give and take, curiosity, more questions than statements on your part, than another lecture or direction about careers to them. We talk about conversations a lot here. If you’re listening to this and you want to be mindful, I actually have an upcoming webinar in my free resource. I’m going to give to everybody that comes live. It’s actually tomorrow night, november 4 at 7:30pm. If you’re listening to this in real time when this drops, I’m giving a free resource, and it’s how to keep the career conversation moving forward without pressure, nagging, or shelving the topic. Right. I’m going to be giving that away to everybody. Now, what we’re going to be doing in this webinar is really digging into right now. The future feels uncertain. It might feel uncertain for you, for them. It could be that our world feels uncertain to you, and we’re just not sure how to support them correctly. So you’ve got an important role in this. We’re going to talk at the during this live time together. We’re going to talk about the role that you have and the role that they have. We both have a role, but you can be mindful and supportive as an adult in their life without taking over, doing it for them, or unintentionally making that journey harder than it needs to be, I know sometimes we do that. It’s not because we don’t care. It’s actually because we care so so much. So I’m inviting you into this conversation. Go to flourishcoachingco.com, and you’ll right there on our website be able to join us. I’ve got I’ve got something for you to opt in to join us at the webinar, and if you’re listening to this episode after that, you’re like, oh shoot, we missed the live webinar. For sure, we’ll get some sort of a replay out there, and usually it’s going to be through a video.

Lisa Marker-Robbins  18:35

So when you go to our website, just opt into our free video. I want to get you resourced so that we can all do this better to help our kids. So you’re a young person; they don’t need to believe that you’ve always known what you’re doing, that you’ve made every career decision correctly. They just need reality, which includes the good and the bad, and how to navigate it well. You can do this.