#221 The #1 Predictor of Your Child’s Career Success (It’s Not What You Think) Transcript

THIS IS AN AUTOMATED TRANSCRIPT… PLEASE FORGIVE THE TYPOS & GRAMMAR! xo-Lisa.

Lisa Marker Robbins  00:27

I was meeting with one of our private coaching clients this week, and she said something that stopped me. See she’s getting ready to take the Berkman personality assessment, which is something that we use the very beginning of our work together. And she said to me, I need to be really honest with myself when I’m taking this because there are things I wish I did well or I wish were true about me, but they’re not, but I don’t, and I thought that right there that is self awareness. See, it’s not the version of ourselves that we hope to be. It’s not the version that sounds impressive to others, just a version that consistently shows up day after day in situation after situation. But here’s the problem, most young people, they have never thought about how to authentically identify who they are rooted in deep self awareness. I’m Lisa Marco Robbins, and this is College and Career Clarity. We help 15 to 25 year olds prepare to launch into adulthood with clarity and confidence by building self awareness, exploring real career options and making informed decisions about what comes next. So in this episode, what I really want to dig into is what self awareness is, how we can help our young people build it. Why it’s important is that your family, your young person, up for success. So when I identify self awareness and I think about like, what is it really? I am talking about our personal, hardwired DNA, who we are at our core, I also layer on top of that hardwired personality that exists. We could argue nature or nurture, we’re not going to today. It’s a mix of both, I believe. But we layer on top of that personality DNA, our values. See, some values are lifelong, and some of them are true at a certain point in time in our lives, right? We recognize our strengths and we’re honest about those strengths as well as our limitations, as well as the things that maybe we don’t do well, we understand deeply our cognitive academic gifting and where we might hit that cognitive load. Sometimes I wish mine were greater in certain areas. And when I’m real with myself, I know that it’s not so self awareness is not only who you wish you were, it’s self awareness is not who you wish you were, it’s who you are consistently. And this is true for all of us, young and old alike, you know, for me, I am excited Spring is coming. I love working in my yard. Call me crazy. Some of you, I love designing beautiful spaces, getting my hands into the dirt, creating something beautiful that we will enjoy here in Cincinnati all spring, summer and fall long, not in the winter, but see, I wouldn’t want to do that all day, every day. I love cooking. I love creating meals for my family and friends, hospitality, but I wouldn’t want to be a chef. I am fascinated by medicine. You know those medical dramas? I read about things like this all the time. I listen to it, but if I’m really honest with myself, I know that even if I had a do over, if I am who I am today, I am who I am in reality, I don’t have the wiring for that level of scientific rigor, and honestly, I don’t have the stomach for it. Just ask my family. See that’s not limiting, though. That’s self awareness, interest, curiosity, fascination is not the same as aptitude, and that’s part of what we really have to be real about. Here’s why this matters so much. Research has shown time and time again that when you look at high performing adult leaders, and you look underneath the hood about who they are, and we identify what predicts long term success, you might be surprised to find it’s not their socioeconomic. Background. It’s not where they went to college, it wasn’t the degree that they earned, and it wasn’t even their IQ. What rose to the top that predicts who’s going to do well in this life is deep self awareness, because when you understand how you’re wired, all of us will make better, more informed decisions. See, as we’re working with these 15 to 25 plus year olds, we’re just trying to support them to make really wise, informed decisions that is going to lead them to a place of what parents really tell me all the time that they want. And I as a mom, know this too. We just want happy, thriving, independent kids. See when our young people make better decisions, ultimately they will be happier now when we don’t have that self awareness, when they don’t have that self awareness, frankly, you could probably look at adults, your peers, as adults that you go like, yeah, I don’t know that they have it either. Without self awareness, here’s what happens, and here’s what happens for the young people, they begin to chase what sounds impressive like what’s trending in their social media feed, right? They begin to follow along with what their friends might be doing. They begin to make choices based on outside pressures or prestige, maybe income alone is what’s leading them, and they begin to confuse curiosity, interest, maybe temporary interests, with the capability that can sustain a career. So you can’t make aligned decisions without aligned insight into who you are. So that’s the trap, aspiration versus reality. There is a distinct difference. I wish I were this way, or I wish I didn’t do this thing, and this is what I do. This is how I’m wired. This is how I show up. Because if we build plans on that first one, here’s what’s going to happen for our kids, they’re going to end up frustrated. We all know adults like that. They’re the ones that you know maybe they get downsized in a job in their 40s, and they go, Well, I never really was doing what I wanted. So maybe I get a restart, or they get stuck. You know, there’s this term right now called job hugging, and honestly, it’s a new fear for parents, because it’s not just about making the right choice, but parents are going like, I’m seeing all these people who are job hugging, meaning hanging on to jobs just for a paycheck, because they never really fit who they were. So we end up stuck when we don’t have the self awareness, or we begin to constantly second guess, is there something better out there for me, these are the floundering and unhappy 20 somethings that we work with. These are the ones that show up in my DMs. Send me an email, apply to work with us, because they’re not happy. See that happy thriving 20 somethings. They don’t need the extra support. They don’t need us. And my goal, as I think about this, is, how do we take a teen, a late teen and early 20 something before they’re, you know, job hugging into a job that pays the bills but doesn’t light them up. How do we take them early stage for this Career Clarity and give them the support they need so they’re making the right choices early, so they’re not end up job hugging and just hanging on for dear life. See, aspiration, without the awareness, is going to lead to misalignment. So you know, here’s what’s Yeah, we already are some of it. Here’s what’s tripping people up. It’s the comparison, it’s the pressure. But I’m going to tell you this, it’s kids not being honest with themselves, or parents, maybe you’re not being honest about who your kid actually is. See, we don’t get to choose for them, but we can support them to make the right choices for themselves, and then we can celebrate them. You know, oftentimes we’re missing out on opportunities to support our young person by asking the right questions or putting them into encouraging environments where they can explore and learn about themselves. Oftentimes, they land in places where they’re only rewarded for certain strengths. Most people are just not getting the guidance most young people, they’re just not getting the guidance they need to process what it actually means to understand themselves at a deep level. It’s not that they’re not capable. They just don’t know how to do it. So what can we as adults? Whether you have kids of your own, like I do. You or you’re working with these kids, what can we do to help them? First of all, you all know this. Have you been following along? And if you’re new, this might be new to you. I am the biggest fan of conversations, right?

Lisa Marker Robbins  10:13

Conversations, dialog, not talking at them, not telling them what to do, but a curiosity, an exchange of ideas, asking the right questions. Get curious, not directed with your kids. Ask them. You know, what gave you energy this week? What’s working for you, what’s draining you, what are patterns that continue to show up for you over time, time and time again, whether they’re leading to towards your wins and your excitement, or maybe they’re leading towards the things that trip you up, the things that don’t necessarily go well, have them reflect back to you what they’re seeing in their own lives and their own experiences, and then as they Share, normalize for them that we all have strengths, that sometimes we’re going to hit a load, a cognitive load, an energy load, and we all have limitations. See, what we celebrate is getting real with ourselves about the strengths and the limitations. We are not helping these young people by keeping every option open, you’re helping them. You help curate the conversations to narrow wisely based on who they are. Now, if you’re listening to this and you’re like, Yeah, Lisa, sounds great, but I’m really not sure how we can do this at our house. I don’t know how to help my child build this level of self awareness that’s going to set them up for success that we all want for them. That’s exactly where we start inside launch Career Clarity. We don’t begin with majors. We don’t begin with careers. We back up and we lay a foundation, building a deep understanding of how each young person is wired. We build that self awareness so then every decision that’s going to follow is grounded, aligned and confident as they know who they are. You can learn more about launch Career Clarity at flourish coaching, CO, com, forward slash, course, also, of course, put it in the show notes. Remember, before you ask, what should you do? Before they ask, What should I do? Everybody has to answer. Who are you really? Because that’s what makes everything else click right into place. Okay, come on back next week, we’ve got a guest joining us, and if you’ve got insights, if you’ve got ways that you’re curating conversations around self awareness, send me a message. I’d love to hear from you.